farewell

fare·well:  [fair-wel]

~ NOUN:  AN EXPRESSION OF GOOD WISHES AT PARTING; TAKING LEAVE; DEPARTURE ~



i have to be honest with you.  i am more than ready to say farewell to 2012.  it was a difficult year, especially the latter half, throwing many more punches than embracing hugs.  it seemed to be that way, not only for me, but for many people who are closest to me, which just seemed to make matters worse.

it was just, as one of my best friends, melissa, would say, "blech!"

as 2012 comes to a close, i want to take a look back at the good things that happened in the past year, instead of focusing on the negative.  hopefully, creating a good, positive welcome for 2013.

the top 25 good things that i have learned or have happened in 2012:

*  our annual ski trip, which took us to aspen/snowmass.  there may have been a sasquatch sighting, a mechanical louis armstrong performance, a lighted dance floor in our condo, and a toliet paper fight.

*  my 35th birthday party, surrounded by family and friends, complete with a limo!

*  all the "firsts" with my godson:  first birthday, first trip to the zoo, first trip to the aquarium, and first trip to the pumpkin patch. 

*  celebrating my parents' 40th wedding anniversary.

*  discovering which friendships i should invest time and energy into and which i should not.  a hard lesson, but a good one to have learned.  i do have some pretty amazing people in my life.


*  numerous beach weekends at pine knoll shores with great friends.

*  my family's annual trip to hilton head island.

*  celebrating bogue's 1st birthday.

*  realizing that i am not responsible for everyone's happiness and i can't fix everyone's problems.  (i still struggle with this, but i'm getting better each day.)

*  celebrating my 2nd wedding anniversary with a man i am so blessed to call my husband.

*  apple squeeze at the frye farm with my bestie, lise, and godson.  homemade apple cider is the bomb.

*  nc state football games, especially when we had special guests at the tailgate, like my cousins!

*  beginning the journey of forgiving myself and letting go.

*  running my first 8k race, complete with a sparkly pink t-shirt and ribbon for my cousin who is battling (and is beating) breast cancer.

*  finding the right specialist to assist me with my health issue.

*  camping trips at the frye farm.  occupy carthage 2012.  if anyone wants to know where bogue is, he's in the pond.  go team razor cat! 

*  making the executive decision to eliminate negative energy, as much as possible, from my life.  i have learned to not tolerate meanness.

*  learning that just when i think i can't take one more step on this journey, i somehow muster up the strength to do so and it is worth it every.single.time.

*  realizing that the past does not determine your future.

*  making two new girlfriends in unexpected places.

*  yoga practice, passive yoga practice, and tea with my sweet friend, mel.  she is a gift and helps center me.

*  our 5th annual holiday party.

*  christmas with our families.

*  continuing my little family's tradition of escaping to the beach after christmas through the new year.

*  being ready to move forward and not look back!

here's to a rock star 2013!  bring it on!!

xoxox -


     

self-care

self-care:  [self-kair]

~NOUN:  THE CARE OF ONESELF WITHOUT MEDICAL, PROFESSIONAL, OR OTHER ASSISTANCE OR OVERSIGHT.~

two weeks ago, i had what can only be described as a meltdown in the office of my acupuncturist.

as occurs before each treatment, she asked how i was doing and my response was a habitual, “ok.”

she glanced up from the pad of paper on her desk and prompted me by saying, “there seems to be a lot more going on behind that ok.  now tell me the truth.  how are you?”

the tears welled up in my eyes and the words began to tumble out.

i was a disaster.  i was tired.  stressed and worried because of the disappointing news i had regarding my health.   i was overcommitted.  overwhelmed.   anxious. 

we were entering the holiday season, which should be joyous, but i was determined that everything had to be perfect.   all my family and friends have to be happy and i felt totally, 100% responsible for that.

(even though i know that each individual is responsible for his or her own happiness and the moment we are reliant on someone else or something to make us happy is when things start to unravel.)

my body was pleading with me to stop, in the form of a cough that wouldn’t go away and hives on my wrists and back.

she looked at me and calmly said, “you must stop trying to be the perfect wife, daughter, friend, and work colleague.  you’ll always fail and be stressed and anxious  if you are holding yourself to some lofty idea of perfection that you alone have created in your mind.   you don’t have to be everything to everyone.   you are not responsible for everyone’s happiness.   the one thing you must do is take care of yourself, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  you will fail everyone, including yourself, if you don’t do this.  the people in your life who truly love you and care about you will understand that sometimes you will need to say “no” and do what you have to do to take care of yourself.   they will not put any further demands or expectations on you.  if they do, especially during a time when you are feeling delicate or fragile, then you may want to reevaluate who is surrounding you.”

her words hit me like a ton of bricks and every single one rang true.

somewhere along the line, guilt with his trusty sidekick, fear, had convinced me that self-care was selfish, instead of an important component of truly getting the most out of my life, including my relationships.

when my life gets hectic, as life is wont to do from time to time, self-care should be a top priority.  for me?  it gets pushed to the bottom of the list.

i haven’t made time for any of the things that i do to take care of my body and soul.

(in all honesty, it was a miracle that i actually made my acupuncture appointment that week.)

so very gently and slowly, i have started to say, “no.”

i have started to delegate.

i am leaning back into taking care of myself in the forms that speak to my soul:  journaling, meditation with lots of breath-work, acupuncture, and yoga.  along with a bubble bath and good book mixed in for good measure.

this isn’t always easy.

guilt and fear often try to drag me down, especially when i receive a negative reaction from a loved one.

when i feel that bubbling up, i sit.  i sit and i breathe through it.  i remind myself that taking care of myself, in whatever way i deem necessary is not selfish, but indeed a necessity for me to be the type of person i feel called to be in this world. 

in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season,  i know that there are parties to attend, gifts to be wrapped, and cookies to be baked, but i would challenge each of us to take time for self-care.  say “no” to one thing.  pay the extra twenty cents for holiday card envelopes to be printed.  get up 15 minutes earlier to sit with yourself.  go for a run.  do whatever it is that will feed your body and soul and allow you to share your gifts with the world.

love yourself, so you can truly, madly, deeply love others.

xoxox -