self-care

self-care:  [self-kair]

~NOUN:  THE CARE OF ONESELF WITHOUT MEDICAL, PROFESSIONAL, OR OTHER ASSISTANCE OR OVERSIGHT.~

two weeks ago, i had what can only be described as a meltdown in the office of my acupuncturist.

as occurs before each treatment, she asked how i was doing and my response was a habitual, “ok.”

she glanced up from the pad of paper on her desk and prompted me by saying, “there seems to be a lot more going on behind that ok.  now tell me the truth.  how are you?”

the tears welled up in my eyes and the words began to tumble out.

i was a disaster.  i was tired.  stressed and worried because of the disappointing news i had regarding my health.   i was overcommitted.  overwhelmed.   anxious. 

we were entering the holiday season, which should be joyous, but i was determined that everything had to be perfect.   all my family and friends have to be happy and i felt totally, 100% responsible for that.

(even though i know that each individual is responsible for his or her own happiness and the moment we are reliant on someone else or something to make us happy is when things start to unravel.)

my body was pleading with me to stop, in the form of a cough that wouldn’t go away and hives on my wrists and back.

she looked at me and calmly said, “you must stop trying to be the perfect wife, daughter, friend, and work colleague.  you’ll always fail and be stressed and anxious  if you are holding yourself to some lofty idea of perfection that you alone have created in your mind.   you don’t have to be everything to everyone.   you are not responsible for everyone’s happiness.   the one thing you must do is take care of yourself, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  you will fail everyone, including yourself, if you don’t do this.  the people in your life who truly love you and care about you will understand that sometimes you will need to say “no” and do what you have to do to take care of yourself.   they will not put any further demands or expectations on you.  if they do, especially during a time when you are feeling delicate or fragile, then you may want to reevaluate who is surrounding you.”

her words hit me like a ton of bricks and every single one rang true.

somewhere along the line, guilt with his trusty sidekick, fear, had convinced me that self-care was selfish, instead of an important component of truly getting the most out of my life, including my relationships.

when my life gets hectic, as life is wont to do from time to time, self-care should be a top priority.  for me?  it gets pushed to the bottom of the list.

i haven’t made time for any of the things that i do to take care of my body and soul.

(in all honesty, it was a miracle that i actually made my acupuncture appointment that week.)

so very gently and slowly, i have started to say, “no.”

i have started to delegate.

i am leaning back into taking care of myself in the forms that speak to my soul:  journaling, meditation with lots of breath-work, acupuncture, and yoga.  along with a bubble bath and good book mixed in for good measure.

this isn’t always easy.

guilt and fear often try to drag me down, especially when i receive a negative reaction from a loved one.

when i feel that bubbling up, i sit.  i sit and i breathe through it.  i remind myself that taking care of myself, in whatever way i deem necessary is not selfish, but indeed a necessity for me to be the type of person i feel called to be in this world. 

in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season,  i know that there are parties to attend, gifts to be wrapped, and cookies to be baked, but i would challenge each of us to take time for self-care.  say “no” to one thing.  pay the extra twenty cents for holiday card envelopes to be printed.  get up 15 minutes earlier to sit with yourself.  go for a run.  do whatever it is that will feed your body and soul and allow you to share your gifts with the world.

love yourself, so you can truly, madly, deeply love others.

xoxox -