i was sitting in the lobby of my tax accountant's office for the 2nd time in 48 hours. i was tired from an early morning and cranky for, again, being made to wait long after our scheduled appointment time. i figured that they would be slammed, so i brought my trusty i-pad along with me for entertainment purposes.
as i was scrolling facebook, i saw one of my friend's status update stating that there had been a bomb at the boston marathon. he was a pretty good authority, considering that he was there with his family, supporting his father-in-law who was running in the race.
my heart dropped. i frantically scoured the internet to wrap my brain around what was happening while i simultaneously refreshed facebook to make sure my friend and his family were okay and everyone was accounted for.
by the grace of God, they were.
others were not as fortunate.
i have this impending sense of dread lurking in the pit of my stomach that as the hours progress into the evening and early into tomorrow morning, we will learn even more horrifying and saddening news.
lately i feel like i have been under a constant barrage of bad news that makes me sad and downright pissed the hell off, and a lot of times it is directed at the big man upstairs.
(yeah, you read that right. i said it. it is the truth and i'm guessing i'm probably not the only person who feels that way from time to time, but i'm probably one of the few who will say it out loud.)
shootings....terrorist threats....cyber bullying.....people burying their children due to illness, accidents, or suicides....nuclear concerns....yeah, i'm sad and i'm freaking angry.
for as long as i can remember, i wanted to have children. i have a wonderful husband, a good marriage, and i would love for us to have two-legged kids of our own in the near future.
i have to say though, with what i am seeing in the world these days, i sometimes question whether or not it is fair to bring a child into the shit-show we have going on these days.
it makes me question what i thought to be fundamental truths more frequently that i'd like.
see, i've always thought that the core of humanity is good.....
...i've just thought if we could focus on our similarities and respect each other's differences...
...if we manage our expectations of one another and of ourselves....
...if we could recognize that underneath the skin color and the gender and the sexual preferences, we truly are all the same...
...and if maybe, just maybe, we love with everything we have, the world will be a better place.
maybe i was wrong?
no.
i refuse to believe that.
i won't.
even in the midst of tragedy and even when i struggle to see it, i still say the core of humanity is good.
call it rose-colored glasses, but if you look for love and goodness you will find it.
in the next few days, the media will focus primarily on the horror of tragedy. it should be given its proper due, absolutely.
then, after a few days pass, i will encourage you (and myself) to look for the good.
i know in my heart of hearts that we will see our fellow humans rise to the occasion. we will do something, anything, to help our fellow men and women who have been affected by this truly maddening event.
as for me? i'm going to turn my anger and sadness into action.
i'm going to pray.
i'm going to sign up for a race in the next 2-3 months, because i refuse to live my life in fear and to honor those who were participating or supporting a loved one today.
i'm going to take care of my little tribe of people and fur-kids the best that i can.
i'll look for ways to help the victims of this tragedy and try to help them heal.
i will keep on loving, even when i don't think i can or when its hard, especially when its hard.
I WILL NOT GIVE UP.
hell no.
i'm a stubborn irish redhead. quit is not in our vocabulary.
sending you all love and especially those affected by this tragedy. my heart and prayers are in boston.
xoxox -
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