on being an auntie

today is my sweet little niece, gabrielle's third birthday!

however, i am not technically her aunt.

i don't have any biological brothers or sisters, but i do have quite a few adopted sisters.  one of my best friends, lise, and i like to refer to it as our urban family.

you know.  the people you choose to be your family.


my life's path was very different from the majority of my friends.  most of them got married in their mid-twenties and began families in their late-twenties/early-thirties.

marriages change friendships, but not nearly as drastically as when a friend has a child.

at that point, you have a choice.

you can choose to invest your time, energy, and love into friendships that are more suited to your current lifestyle....

or....

you can choose to invest your time, energy, and love in evolving your friendship with a new mommy (or daddy), while developing a very special relationship with their child(ren).

you know.  being an auntie.

being an auntie is a choice.  once you make that choice, it is a commitment and it is work.

i have chosen to be an auntie (lucky for me a few times over) and it was the best decision i've ever made.

to evolve your friendship, you have to communicate a lot and be honest.  you have to be adaptive to the changes that will inevitably occur when your friend becomes a parent.  you have to, collectively, figure out how to move your friendship into this new stage and what your role will be in this new scenario.

you'll learn a lot of things watching your friend become a parent.

you'll learn about unconditional love.  you'll learn that the human body and spirit can go on little to no sleep.  you'll learn that your historically passive friend is a fierce tiger when it comes to her child.  you'll learn that parenthood is not a hallmark commercial, but it is worth it.

you'll learn things about yourself too.

you'll learn that when you get a call at 3:45 a.m. from an exhausted new mom who doesn't know if she'll make it, that you'll stay on the phone with her until she's okay, even if you have to get up at 6 a.m. for work.  you'll learn that you will turn the car around from whatever fun destination you were headed to and go hold the baby so mama can just get a shower and few moments of peace.  you'll hold your friend as tight as you can when she's crying because it is hard and you'll somehow find the words to reassure that even though you can't relate, you know she is doing a great job, because she is. 

your friendship will grow and flourish in ways it wouldn't have if you weren't in this thing together.

oh - and pretty much the best part - the kids!

you'll get to be a kid again and do fun things like playing at the park, going to the pumpkin patch, and hanging out at the zoo.  you'll get to see things from a fresh perspective and find magic in ordinary things, because they do.  you'll learn that you love this child who is not your own something fierce and heaven help the person who hurts them in any way.  you'll spend hours scouring websites for the perfect birthday present.  you'll choose hanging out with them over a wine night out.  you'll clear your calendar for birthday parties, school events, and recitals.    

i could write pages and pages about my individual nieces and nephews and our relationship (and probably will in the not-so-distant future), but since it is gabrielle's birthday, i'll stick to writing about her.

last summer on the boat

ms. gabrielle decided to make a rather dramatic entrance into this world.  we should've known that she would be like her auntie heather and have a little spice!  maybe our feisty is why we are kindred spirits.  the girl is absolutely fearless.  she is the first one to run out onto the splash pad in the middle of the pool behind the kids twice her size.  she is such the little chatterbox and i love it!  when i'm on the phone with her mom, she'll ask to speak to me and we'll have an entire conversation.  forget about it if we are in the same room.  it is gabrielle-and-heather's world.  i also love that in a group setting, if mama and daddy are occupied or not nearby, i am the next best thing.  she has got some serious dance moves and can always get me to get up and dance with her.  i love playing with her at the beach, wading in the waves, and riding on the boat together.  i love how she snuggles up to me under a blanket while we watch a movie.  i love her spirit and her sensitive heart.

being an auntie is a honor, joy, and a privilege.  it is a choice i'll make 100 times over.

gabrielle - if your mama or dada are reading this, happy birthday sweetheart!  i love you so, so much!

to jordan, ava, andrew, zachary, will, and future nieces/nephews - i love you all so much my heart could burst, forever and always!  auntie heather will always be here for you, no matter what, and nothing you could ever do will change my love for you!

with jordan at the beach

holding will for the first time at the hospital

with the beautiful mamas

with another beautiful mama

xoxox-