beginning + candlelight meditation

one of the most challenging things i experienced during my yoga teacher training was getting into a regular meditation practice.

i have no problem sitting still, per se, but while sitting i usually like to be reading, or watching tv, or any other thing than actually really being still physically and mentally.

once i got the hang of it though, i really started to dig it.

if you don't know about the benefits of meditation, take it from the fancy pants science folks by reading this article , this one, and let's add in a third for good measure.

i can personally attest that when i actively practice meditation, i am less anxious, am able to manage my stress better, and i sleep like a champ at night (which is saying something since i battle insomnia on the regular).

full disclosure?

i've fallen off the meditation bandwagon.

actually, more like swan dived off of the wagon....

...and i'm in a place where i need calmness and a good night's sleep more than ever.

no time like the present to haul myself back on the wagon!

if you are new to meditating or are rebooting your meditation practice, here are a few tips for starting out:

1.)  don't overdo it. - when people tell me they've tried to meditate and they just can't, my first question is how long are you attempting to meditate for and i'm never surprised that people usually tell me somewhere around the 20 to 30 minute range.  that is entirely too long for someone starting out.  meditating is just like running.  if you wanted to start running, you wouldn't start out with a half marathon, you'd start slow.  maybe using the couch to 5k method and train for a 5k race over a few months time.  meditation is the same.  start with a 5 minute meditation (which, trust me, in the beginning will seem like an eternity) and slowly increase in intervals of 5 minutes, as you gain more practice.

2.)  find a comfortable seated position. - you don't have to be sitting in full lotus on the floor like the pictures in yoga journal magazine.  use your mat or a pillow and find a seated position that works comfortably for you.  if you experience back pain, try sitting in a chair that will support your back with both feet flat on the floor.  the important thing is to be sitting upright and that you are comfortable, since you are going to be in this position for awhile.

3.)  do not mentally beat yourself up when errant thoughts arise.  - chitta happens.  you know, monkey mind.  thinking 1 bazillion thoughts per minute.  it is going to happen when you begin meditating too.  it takes a lot of practice to quiet and clear your mind, even for just a few minutes.  don't beat yourself up about it and try not to use it as a reason to give up.  what works for me, is letting the thought come into my mind, wrapping it up in a bubble, and then blowing it away (extra points if you recognized the dharma + greg reference).

my teacher, dharma richards, taught us a great meditation during teacher training called candlelight meditation.  i think it is perfect for beginning a meditation practice.

it goes a little something like this:

1.)  place a lighted candle in front of your mat, pillow or chair.
2.)  take a few moments to etch the picture of the flame into your mind.
3.)  close your eyes and begin to picture the flame in your mind.
4.)  the moment the image begins to fade, or you find yourself struggling, reopen your eyes without judgement and repeat steps 2 through 4 for the length of your meditation.

i'd love to hear your comments or if you have any questions, feel free to email me!

so, don't just sit there friends, meditate!

xoxox -

30(ish) days of blogging + answering 10 hard questions

today, troy (my husband) sent me a zen habits post entitled, "why you should write daily."  at the end, it sets forth a challenge to write once a day for 30 days and encourages a blog as format to do so.  the challenge starts may 1st.

since i'm an overachiever, i decided to start today.  booyah!

who knows what in the heck i'm going to write on a daily basis, but i guess we'll just see how it goes.  i hope you'll follow along!  (all you gotta do is hit that little button over on the right that says, "follow.")

since my blog post writing is a little rusty, i decided to link up with erin and answer the hard questions.....

and they were hard.....

here we go.....

1. if you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?

i've said it before and i'll say it again, i'm a planner by nature.  so, if i could do one thing differently, it would be to not try to live my life by some self-imposed timeline.  my 21 year old self was convinced that if i wasn't married by 26 and pregnant by 30, my life was destined to be a disaster.  instead, that self-imposed timeline caused me to make some pretty poor decisions in my early/mid 20s, which lead to me being fairly miserable and having to pull myself out of a marriage that, in my heart of hearts, i knew was not a healthy relationship from the get-go.

would i have made the same decision if i hadn't made the self-imposed timeline?  maybe.  i did love my ex. however, i know deep down that a huge reason i decided to ignore all the waving red flags was my "perfect life" timeline.  

truth of the matter is, i still struggle with this from time to time.  i try to just take a deep breath, reflect on how that didn't work for me in the past, and let go and let God.

2. where do you see yourself in 5 years?

i honestly don't know and i sort of hate this question.  it makes me nervous (see answer to #1).

 

what i know for sure is that i want to be is thriving in my marriage where we are happy, both individually and collectively.  that may mean a house full of kids living in our current town or moving to the coast permanently with a whole brood of dogs.  

as for the specifics, i guess we'll just have to see.

3. do you honestly want kids?

this is a painful question for me for personal reasons, but the answer is absolutely, 100% yes.  

4. what has been the best moment of your life so far?

i have had some pretty fabulous moments, from college graduation, to my wedding day with troy, to traveling, but the best moment in my life isn't any of those things.

it was on a quiet saturday in january, holding my husband's hand, and i was recovering from some health-related stuff.  at that moment, i knew that this guy was 100% for real when he said in sickness and in health and in good times and in bad ones.  the comfort, peace, and confidence in knowing that...absolute best moment so far.

5. what is your life theme song?

"keep your head up" by andy grammer.

6. what is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?

learn how to not crucify myself for my mistakes.

more tangibly, travel with my father (husband and mom can come too) to:

• the caribbean, because he's never been there in his 71 years of life and it is high time he sits in a beach cabana with fruity cocktail.
• ireland because it is where we hail from and although he has been there before, he has talked for years about us going together.
• greece because it is where he was stationed in the air force and has so many great stories about the food, people, and beauty of the country.

7. if you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?

being a loving person.

8. if you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?

quit my job and spend my days doing work that i'm passionate about, most likely with a non-profit organization or teaching yoga full time.

9. what has been the most challenging moment in your life?

while several things pop into my head, i would have to say that the most challenging moment in my life has been accepting my mom's illness at a young age and learning how to deal with it in a positive way.  while her disease is not life-threatening, it has certainly been life-altering for her and our entire family.  even though she drives me crazy sometimes, she's a rock star. 

10. summarize yourself in one word.

resilient.

so there you have it.....

and now i'm counting down until happy hour.....

xoxox - 

acceptance

ac·cept·ance:  [ak-sep-tuhns]

 ~NOUN:  1) FAVORABLE RECEPTION, APPROVAL, FAVOR; 2) THE ACT OF ASSENTING OR  BELIEVING; 3) THE FACT OR STATE OF BEING ACCEPTED OR ACCEPTABLE~



my husband…and family….. and friends...have been confounded for years now about my love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with my hair.

my husband…and family…and friends… love it… as for me?

i’ve hated it most of my life.

looking at the unruly mess in the mirror, oftentimes, brings me back to the insecure little girl who lives deep inside of me.

 i wish i was blonde.

or brunette.

with preferably straight hair...

because the red hair…

…with curls to boot…

well… it brings teasing….and spit balls…..and pointing…..and pulling…..and fists.

all things that you desperately don’t want in your life, well, ever.

things that you really don’t want as a young child of 5 years of age.

you know.

to be different.

being different is not a desirable trait as a child.

so, I’ve spent most of my life fighting my hair. it is a battle that has raged long and hard for many years. it is either:

1) twisted into a bun
2) perfectly curled with a large barrel curling iron, or
3) straightened with my trusty flat iron.

it is a rare occasion that i will leave the house without one of my perfectly coiffed 'dos.

a few weeks ago, i was at the beach house with the family. i had to work until 6 and the family was chomping at the bit to get to the restaurant. i jumped in the shower, washed my hair, and rushed to find some clothes to put on.

i turned to the mirror and stared at the mass of tangled curls.

ugh!!!!!


no time to blow dry and style.

double ugh!!!!!!!

no time to air dry and toss into a bun. i was going to have to go au natural with the ‘do tonight. i cringed and then haphazardly threw some gel into my hair, scrunched, and rolled out to dinner.

my husband looked at me and said, “you are trying something new tonight with the hair. i dig it. it looks great.”

 i smiled, said thank you, while simultaneously thinking that he HAS to say that and there cannot possibly be a kernel of truth in it.

then, i went to the bathroom in the restaurant.

once again, i was faced with that dreaded mirror.

holy cow!

he was right. it did look great.

my hair, in its natural state, was darn near pretty.

i stared. shook my hair model style. then, i may, or may not, have winked at myself.

for the first time, there i was, crazy mane of red curly hair in its natural state.

no fuss, no muss. just me… and i was in public to boot!

i wasn’t bending and conforming to what i thought i should be…or what i thought i should look like to fit in.

 i was me.

and I LIKED IT.

 it felt good.

authentic.

true.

it got me thinking about how often we try to bend and conform to what we think we should be. or how we think we should look. or how we should feel. or what our opinions should be.

how much time do we spend (and i would venture to say waste) trying to be something we aren’t….or feeling a way we don’t…..or looking a specific way……or thinking a way that doesn’t ring true to our soul.

what if we spent that time understanding who we are and what we think? and embracing those that are different than us? and realizing that all the diversity of physical, mental, spiritual is what makes humanity awesome? what if we spent our time on that?

it reminds me of my first several yoga classes. i was anxious and worried about what the person next to me thought or what the teacher would classify me as.

future yogini or massive yoga failure?

i couldn’t do that pose, i couldn’t stretch or lengthen, i couldn’t balance.

i was a total yoga FAILURE.

but, i returned. to the mat. to the studio. to my path.

then, after about class # 6, i was solely residing in my own body and experience. i was contemplating my own practice, my own thoughts, the way my body responded to a movement, or didn’t, where i was stuck, or why my mind couldn’t just shut up already.

i wasn’t concerned with what others were doing around me. i was just doing my thing. sharing my energy, sharing my practice, but doing what my body and soul needed.

and the rest of my friends in class?

whether they were doing the fullest expression of the pose, or resting in child’s pose, they showed up. they were there. they were rocking it. they were sharing their energy.

as was i.

regardless of our physical appearance or aliments.

regardless of our religious or political beliefs.

regardless of our emotional or mental state of mind.

we were there. and that was awesome. it changed my life.

while intimidation has come and gone in my life, i always go back to that moment….where intimidation and insecurity melted into love and acceptance, not only of others around me, but of myself.

then, it happened again. unguarded, in another moment and place, it happened….where intimidation and insecurity melted into love and acceptance….but this time solely of myself….

i am the girl with the untamed lock of red curly hair.

i am different.

i am special.

i am unique.

HEAR ME ROAR!