contentment (santosha)

con·tent·ment:  [kuh n-tent-muh nt]

~ NOUN:  THE STATE OF BEING CONTENTED; SATISFACTION; EASE OF MIND ~

happy new year, friends.

last night, we started a new tradition in our home of the "burning bowl."  basically, you write down a word(s) or a phrase(s) that you'd like to leave behind as you move into the new year.  then, you set it on fire and place it a bowl.  oh, i had several little slips of paper in our burning bowl last night and it was glorious, lovely, and liberating.

....out with the old.....

today, i have turned my focus to my word of intention.

since 2011, i have forgone the traditional new year's resolutions and have chosen a word of intention instead.  if you are new to the blog, check out this post from last january that gives you the scoop and my perspective on why it works better for me, personally.

now, if you l-o-v-e your resolutions, i say go for it and i'll be here cheering you on from the sidelines!

i have had three words rumbling through my mind over the past few days.  i pondered them over and over again and really was having a difficult decision.

when i woke up this morning, it hit me.

i knew what my word for 2013 was going to be.

i've said it before and i'll say it again, it really does choose you at the end of the day.

contentment (santosha, for the yogis/yoginis out there) is my word of intention for 2013.

oh yeah.  it is a doozy and it is certainly setting myself up for a good, healthy dose of self-reflection, with a mighty long journey to go along with it.

(really, though, what life experience isn't just that?)

you see, i am from a long line of planners.

i do x, y, z and i expect the outcome to be a, b, c.

i will analyze (and over-analyze) all the potential outcomes if i do x, y, z or if i conversely do m,n,o what will happen.  next thing you know, i've worked myself into a complete tizzy.

and if a, b, c doesn't come into fruition?

let's not go there.  it can be quite ugly.

of course, this can be to one's advantage in  the workplace, but in the personal space, it can drive you, well, crazy.

what i find deliciously ironic about all of this is that i have learned over and over (and over) that this equation that i've used time and time again, simply doesn't work so well in my personal life.

when i was 22 years old, i had my whole life timeline planned out:  job (22), job progression (24), marriage (26), children (first one by 30).

let me tell you how my whole "master" plan worked out.

it didn't.

i tried to make it work...desperately clawing and pushing to fit square pegs in round holes.

still didn't work.

i cursed and screamed and yelled.

life was not budging, at least in the direction i was willing it to.

at some point, probably around 30 or so, when i wasn't married, had no children, but the job thing was okay, but not exactly what i wanted, i decided i had to let that whole timeline thing go.

and you know, what?  that whole timeline being a complete and total bust?

biggest.blessing.EVER.

well, through a series of twists and turns, i find my inner control freak creeping back out with a vengence.  trying to control things that simply aren't controllable.

obsessing over the future.  condemning of past decisions.

the concept of "let go and let God" has gone completely out the window.

girlfriend has got to get back in check.

i'm missing the present.

i have so much.  SO MUCH.

so many blessings.  so much love.  so much joy.

i want, nary i say, need to be content in the present.....

to have my own sense of inner peace and happiness.

this quote really spoke to me:

"No one longs for what he or she already has, and yet the accumulated insight of those wise about the spiritual life suggests that the reason so many of us cannot see the red X that marks the spot is because we are standing on it.  The treasure we seek requires no lengthy expedition, no expensive equipment, no superior aptitude or special company. All we lack is the willingness to imagine that we already have everything we need. The only thing missing is our consent to be where we are.” ~Barbara Brown Taylor

so, i'm looking forward to this journey and working towards being content with the big red x that i'm standing on today and the different one i will be standing on tomorrow.

each day of this life truly is a treasure, if we just take a moment to recognize what we already have, instead of what we are lacking.

xoxox,

p.s. - like last year, i also created a pinterest board for inspiration of this year's word of intention.  you can find it here.