on being an auntie

today is my sweet little niece, gabrielle's third birthday!

however, i am not technically her aunt.

i don't have any biological brothers or sisters, but i do have quite a few adopted sisters.  one of my best friends, lise, and i like to refer to it as our urban family.

you know.  the people you choose to be your family.


my life's path was very different from the majority of my friends.  most of them got married in their mid-twenties and began families in their late-twenties/early-thirties.

marriages change friendships, but not nearly as drastically as when a friend has a child.

at that point, you have a choice.

you can choose to invest your time, energy, and love into friendships that are more suited to your current lifestyle....

or....

you can choose to invest your time, energy, and love in evolving your friendship with a new mommy (or daddy), while developing a very special relationship with their child(ren).

you know.  being an auntie.

being an auntie is a choice.  once you make that choice, it is a commitment and it is work.

i have chosen to be an auntie (lucky for me a few times over) and it was the best decision i've ever made.

to evolve your friendship, you have to communicate a lot and be honest.  you have to be adaptive to the changes that will inevitably occur when your friend becomes a parent.  you have to, collectively, figure out how to move your friendship into this new stage and what your role will be in this new scenario.

you'll learn a lot of things watching your friend become a parent.

you'll learn about unconditional love.  you'll learn that the human body and spirit can go on little to no sleep.  you'll learn that your historically passive friend is a fierce tiger when it comes to her child.  you'll learn that parenthood is not a hallmark commercial, but it is worth it.

you'll learn things about yourself too.

you'll learn that when you get a call at 3:45 a.m. from an exhausted new mom who doesn't know if she'll make it, that you'll stay on the phone with her until she's okay, even if you have to get up at 6 a.m. for work.  you'll learn that you will turn the car around from whatever fun destination you were headed to and go hold the baby so mama can just get a shower and few moments of peace.  you'll hold your friend as tight as you can when she's crying because it is hard and you'll somehow find the words to reassure that even though you can't relate, you know she is doing a great job, because she is. 

your friendship will grow and flourish in ways it wouldn't have if you weren't in this thing together.

oh - and pretty much the best part - the kids!

you'll get to be a kid again and do fun things like playing at the park, going to the pumpkin patch, and hanging out at the zoo.  you'll get to see things from a fresh perspective and find magic in ordinary things, because they do.  you'll learn that you love this child who is not your own something fierce and heaven help the person who hurts them in any way.  you'll spend hours scouring websites for the perfect birthday present.  you'll choose hanging out with them over a wine night out.  you'll clear your calendar for birthday parties, school events, and recitals.    

i could write pages and pages about my individual nieces and nephews and our relationship (and probably will in the not-so-distant future), but since it is gabrielle's birthday, i'll stick to writing about her.

last summer on the boat

ms. gabrielle decided to make a rather dramatic entrance into this world.  we should've known that she would be like her auntie heather and have a little spice!  maybe our feisty is why we are kindred spirits.  the girl is absolutely fearless.  she is the first one to run out onto the splash pad in the middle of the pool behind the kids twice her size.  she is such the little chatterbox and i love it!  when i'm on the phone with her mom, she'll ask to speak to me and we'll have an entire conversation.  forget about it if we are in the same room.  it is gabrielle-and-heather's world.  i also love that in a group setting, if mama and daddy are occupied or not nearby, i am the next best thing.  she has got some serious dance moves and can always get me to get up and dance with her.  i love playing with her at the beach, wading in the waves, and riding on the boat together.  i love how she snuggles up to me under a blanket while we watch a movie.  i love her spirit and her sensitive heart.

being an auntie is a honor, joy, and a privilege.  it is a choice i'll make 100 times over.

gabrielle - if your mama or dada are reading this, happy birthday sweetheart!  i love you so, so much!

to jordan, ava, andrew, zachary, will, and future nieces/nephews - i love you all so much my heart could burst, forever and always!  auntie heather will always be here for you, no matter what, and nothing you could ever do will change my love for you!

with jordan at the beach

holding will for the first time at the hospital

with the beautiful mamas

with another beautiful mama

xoxox-

30(ish) days of blogging + answering 10 hard questions

today, troy (my husband) sent me a zen habits post entitled, "why you should write daily."  at the end, it sets forth a challenge to write once a day for 30 days and encourages a blog as format to do so.  the challenge starts may 1st.

since i'm an overachiever, i decided to start today.  booyah!

who knows what in the heck i'm going to write on a daily basis, but i guess we'll just see how it goes.  i hope you'll follow along!  (all you gotta do is hit that little button over on the right that says, "follow.")

since my blog post writing is a little rusty, i decided to link up with erin and answer the hard questions.....

and they were hard.....

here we go.....

1. if you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?

i've said it before and i'll say it again, i'm a planner by nature.  so, if i could do one thing differently, it would be to not try to live my life by some self-imposed timeline.  my 21 year old self was convinced that if i wasn't married by 26 and pregnant by 30, my life was destined to be a disaster.  instead, that self-imposed timeline caused me to make some pretty poor decisions in my early/mid 20s, which lead to me being fairly miserable and having to pull myself out of a marriage that, in my heart of hearts, i knew was not a healthy relationship from the get-go.

would i have made the same decision if i hadn't made the self-imposed timeline?  maybe.  i did love my ex. however, i know deep down that a huge reason i decided to ignore all the waving red flags was my "perfect life" timeline.  

truth of the matter is, i still struggle with this from time to time.  i try to just take a deep breath, reflect on how that didn't work for me in the past, and let go and let God.

2. where do you see yourself in 5 years?

i honestly don't know and i sort of hate this question.  it makes me nervous (see answer to #1).

 

what i know for sure is that i want to be is thriving in my marriage where we are happy, both individually and collectively.  that may mean a house full of kids living in our current town or moving to the coast permanently with a whole brood of dogs.  

as for the specifics, i guess we'll just have to see.

3. do you honestly want kids?

this is a painful question for me for personal reasons, but the answer is absolutely, 100% yes.  

4. what has been the best moment of your life so far?

i have had some pretty fabulous moments, from college graduation, to my wedding day with troy, to traveling, but the best moment in my life isn't any of those things.

it was on a quiet saturday in january, holding my husband's hand, and i was recovering from some health-related stuff.  at that moment, i knew that this guy was 100% for real when he said in sickness and in health and in good times and in bad ones.  the comfort, peace, and confidence in knowing that...absolute best moment so far.

5. what is your life theme song?

"keep your head up" by andy grammer.

6. what is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?

learn how to not crucify myself for my mistakes.

more tangibly, travel with my father (husband and mom can come too) to:

• the caribbean, because he's never been there in his 71 years of life and it is high time he sits in a beach cabana with fruity cocktail.
• ireland because it is where we hail from and although he has been there before, he has talked for years about us going together.
• greece because it is where he was stationed in the air force and has so many great stories about the food, people, and beauty of the country.

7. if you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?

being a loving person.

8. if you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?

quit my job and spend my days doing work that i'm passionate about, most likely with a non-profit organization or teaching yoga full time.

9. what has been the most challenging moment in your life?

while several things pop into my head, i would have to say that the most challenging moment in my life has been accepting my mom's illness at a young age and learning how to deal with it in a positive way.  while her disease is not life-threatening, it has certainly been life-altering for her and our entire family.  even though she drives me crazy sometimes, she's a rock star. 

10. summarize yourself in one word.

resilient.

so there you have it.....

and now i'm counting down until happy hour.....

xoxox - 

because my thoughts on this are too long for a facebook status....

*warning:  this post is completely unguarded, raw, and unedited....and there is cussing....and ellipses... and lots of them.*

i was sitting in the lobby of my tax accountant's office for the 2nd time in 48 hours.  i was tired from an early morning and cranky for, again, being made to wait long after our scheduled appointment time.  i figured that they would be slammed, so i brought my trusty i-pad along with me for entertainment purposes.

as i was scrolling facebook, i saw one of my friend's status update stating that there had been a bomb at the boston marathon.  he was a pretty good authority, considering that he was there with his family, supporting his father-in-law who was running in the race.

my heart dropped.  i frantically scoured the internet to wrap my brain around what was happening while i simultaneously refreshed facebook to make sure my friend and his family were okay and everyone was accounted for.

by the grace of God, they were.

others were not as fortunate.

i have this impending sense of dread lurking in the pit of my stomach that as the hours progress into the evening and early into tomorrow morning, we will learn even more horrifying and saddening news.

lately i feel like i have been under a constant barrage of bad news that makes me sad and downright pissed the hell off, and a lot of times it is directed at the big man upstairs.

(yeah, you read that right.  i said it.  it is the truth and i'm guessing i'm probably not the only person who feels that way from time to time, but i'm probably one of the few who will say it out loud.)

shootings....terrorist threats....cyber bullying.....people burying their children due to illness, accidents, or suicides....nuclear concerns....yeah, i'm sad and i'm freaking angry.

for as long as i can remember, i wanted to have children.  i have a wonderful husband, a good marriage, and i would love for us to have two-legged kids of our own in the near future. 

i have to say though, with what i am seeing in the world these days, i sometimes question whether or not it is fair to bring a child into the shit-show we have going on these days.


it makes me question what i thought to be fundamental truths more frequently that i'd like.

see, i've always thought that the core of humanity is good.....

...i've just thought if we could focus on our similarities and respect each other's differences...

...if we manage our expectations of one another and of ourselves....

...if we could recognize that underneath the skin color and the gender and the sexual preferences, we truly are all the same...

...and if maybe, just maybe, we love with everything we have, the world will be a better place.

maybe i was wrong?

no.

i refuse to believe that.

i won't.

even in the midst of tragedy and even when i struggle to see it, i still say the core of humanity is good.

call it rose-colored glasses, but if you look for love and goodness you will find it.

in the next few days, the media will focus primarily on the horror of tragedy.  it should be given its proper due, absolutely.

then, after a few days pass, i will encourage you (and myself) to look for the good.

i know in my heart of hearts that we will see our fellow humans rise to the occasion.  we will do something, anything, to help our fellow men and women who have been affected by this truly maddening event.

as for me?  i'm going to turn my anger and sadness into action.

i'm going to pray.

i'm going to sign up for a race in the next 2-3 months, because i refuse to live my life in fear and to honor those who were participating or supporting a loved one today. 

i'm going to take care of my little tribe of people and fur-kids the best that i can.

i'll look for ways to help the victims of this tragedy and try to help them heal.

i will keep on loving, even when i don't think i can or when its hard, especially when its hard.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

hell no.

i'm a stubborn irish redhead.  quit is not in our vocabulary.

sending you all love and especially those affected by this tragedy.  my heart and prayers are in boston.

xoxox -

unexpected blessings

this was not the post i was originally going to write today.  i woke up this morning with a menagerie of thoughts running through my head:  comparison.  forgiveness of self and others.  fighting self-doubt and the "i'm-not-good-enough"s.  letting go.

image via & original source

then, i read this blog post, received a phone call from a friend, and it changed the trajectory of my thoughts.

i am surrounded by blessings.

a hot cup of coffee.  having a friend who confides in me.  the sliver of sunshine that fights to peek through heavy cloud cover.  a loving, supportive husband.  fluffy pink socks.  kisses from my dog.  sunflowers on the kitchen table.  a dad who makes me laugh and a mom who when she says, "its all going to be ok," i suddenly believe it.  the sound our wedding day wind chime outside.  blessings.

the difficult things?  they're blessings too.

making the choice to take a good hard look at myself, my thoughts, my feelings and deciding what stays and what goes, even when it is painful?  blessing.

my current physical and mental trials and tribulations?  for the first time in a long time, i know in my heart, that they will be a blessing.  (the fact that i can even view them in this light is true progress and in and of itself is a blessing.)

image via

we are all surrounded by blessings, if we just take a moment to open our eyes and hearts to them.

xoxox -

cleaning house + friday favorites

lately, i have been on some sort of wild cleaning, purging, and organizing binge.  this is not normal heather behavior.  usually it takes some sort of bribery from troy to get me motivated to get rid of stuff.  while i like a nice, clean organized home, i am so not-a-fan of the entire process.  it seems daunting and downright overwhelming.

after it is done, though, i feel so much better.  it is as if a huge weight has been lifted, i can breathe a little easier, and i'm downright giddy.

these days,  i'm addicted to both the process and to the lightness that comes after.

there has been a lot going on in my world lately and a barrage of different emotions have followed.  some are most likely caused by battling SAD and some i know to be caused by legitimate things that are going on in my life.  i've been overwhelmed.  there are decisions that i need to make and instead of jumping right in to figure it out, i've been paralyzed by them instead.  i've doubted myself and my abilities.   i've been over-analyzing every.damn.thing.

it is time to clean the house that is my mind.  it is time to purge negative thoughts and patterns of behavior.  it is time to get rid of stuff that isn't working for me:  impatience, anxiety, self-bashing.  it is time to realize that it is okay not to have all the answers and that if i need to sit with something for awhile, that's okay too.

i know that i will feel lighter and happier at the end.

so, advanced thanks to all my people for sticking with me and being patient with me.  spring cleaning has commenced and your shiny, sparkly heather is around the corner!

whew.  okay, enough deepness.  onto friday favorites!

*the arrival of march - thank goodness you are finally here!  i see the light at the end of the wintery tunnel and spring is a-comin'!  this month brings all sort of celebratory goodness, including the birthday of jordan, my godson, my birthday,  the birthdays of two great friends, amy and jenn, my nephew, hayden, my sister-in-law, jenn, and my parents anniversary.  time to locate my party shoes!

* opi's pedal faster suzi nail polish - last week, i chose this color for my manicure.  i loved it so much, i hunted it down on amazon and order a bottle for myself!  it is the perfect subtle pink for spring.

:

image via

* a clean and organized drawer  - come on, you knew this one was coming!

* stumbling upon this devotion via "the pink growl" - "do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward."  - hebrews 10:35 

"have you been praying and believing for something that has been taking longer than you thought?  many times, people can miss God's best simply because they give up before they see their answer come.  don't let that be you!  be encouraged today, your answer is closer than you think.  if it seems like things are getting more difficult, remember when intensity heats up, that means you are closer to victory.  it always seems darkest just before the dawn appears."  - joel and victoria osteen

* signs of spring  - while walking bogue, even though i was all bundled up, it made me smile to see fresh blades of grass and daffodils beginning to sprout.  reminds me that spring is around the corner, thank goodness.

image via

 i hope that you all have a wonderful weekend!  if you need me, i'll probably be cleaning out a closet and butchering lyrics on the "today's hits" channel of pandora.

xoxox -