30(ish) days of blogging + answering 10 hard questions

today, troy (my husband) sent me a zen habits post entitled, "why you should write daily."  at the end, it sets forth a challenge to write once a day for 30 days and encourages a blog as format to do so.  the challenge starts may 1st.

since i'm an overachiever, i decided to start today.  booyah!

who knows what in the heck i'm going to write on a daily basis, but i guess we'll just see how it goes.  i hope you'll follow along!  (all you gotta do is hit that little button over on the right that says, "follow.")

since my blog post writing is a little rusty, i decided to link up with erin and answer the hard questions.....

and they were hard.....

here we go.....

1. if you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?

i've said it before and i'll say it again, i'm a planner by nature.  so, if i could do one thing differently, it would be to not try to live my life by some self-imposed timeline.  my 21 year old self was convinced that if i wasn't married by 26 and pregnant by 30, my life was destined to be a disaster.  instead, that self-imposed timeline caused me to make some pretty poor decisions in my early/mid 20s, which lead to me being fairly miserable and having to pull myself out of a marriage that, in my heart of hearts, i knew was not a healthy relationship from the get-go.

would i have made the same decision if i hadn't made the self-imposed timeline?  maybe.  i did love my ex. however, i know deep down that a huge reason i decided to ignore all the waving red flags was my "perfect life" timeline.  

truth of the matter is, i still struggle with this from time to time.  i try to just take a deep breath, reflect on how that didn't work for me in the past, and let go and let God.

2. where do you see yourself in 5 years?

i honestly don't know and i sort of hate this question.  it makes me nervous (see answer to #1).

 

what i know for sure is that i want to be is thriving in my marriage where we are happy, both individually and collectively.  that may mean a house full of kids living in our current town or moving to the coast permanently with a whole brood of dogs.  

as for the specifics, i guess we'll just have to see.

3. do you honestly want kids?

this is a painful question for me for personal reasons, but the answer is absolutely, 100% yes.  

4. what has been the best moment of your life so far?

i have had some pretty fabulous moments, from college graduation, to my wedding day with troy, to traveling, but the best moment in my life isn't any of those things.

it was on a quiet saturday in january, holding my husband's hand, and i was recovering from some health-related stuff.  at that moment, i knew that this guy was 100% for real when he said in sickness and in health and in good times and in bad ones.  the comfort, peace, and confidence in knowing that...absolute best moment so far.

5. what is your life theme song?

"keep your head up" by andy grammer.

6. what is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?

learn how to not crucify myself for my mistakes.

more tangibly, travel with my father (husband and mom can come too) to:

• the caribbean, because he's never been there in his 71 years of life and it is high time he sits in a beach cabana with fruity cocktail.
• ireland because it is where we hail from and although he has been there before, he has talked for years about us going together.
• greece because it is where he was stationed in the air force and has so many great stories about the food, people, and beauty of the country.

7. if you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?

being a loving person.

8. if you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?

quit my job and spend my days doing work that i'm passionate about, most likely with a non-profit organization or teaching yoga full time.

9. what has been the most challenging moment in your life?

while several things pop into my head, i would have to say that the most challenging moment in my life has been accepting my mom's illness at a young age and learning how to deal with it in a positive way.  while her disease is not life-threatening, it has certainly been life-altering for her and our entire family.  even though she drives me crazy sometimes, she's a rock star. 

10. summarize yourself in one word.

resilient.

so there you have it.....

and now i'm counting down until happy hour.....

xoxox - 

because my thoughts on this are too long for a facebook status....

*warning:  this post is completely unguarded, raw, and unedited....and there is cussing....and ellipses... and lots of them.*

i was sitting in the lobby of my tax accountant's office for the 2nd time in 48 hours.  i was tired from an early morning and cranky for, again, being made to wait long after our scheduled appointment time.  i figured that they would be slammed, so i brought my trusty i-pad along with me for entertainment purposes.

as i was scrolling facebook, i saw one of my friend's status update stating that there had been a bomb at the boston marathon.  he was a pretty good authority, considering that he was there with his family, supporting his father-in-law who was running in the race.

my heart dropped.  i frantically scoured the internet to wrap my brain around what was happening while i simultaneously refreshed facebook to make sure my friend and his family were okay and everyone was accounted for.

by the grace of God, they were.

others were not as fortunate.

i have this impending sense of dread lurking in the pit of my stomach that as the hours progress into the evening and early into tomorrow morning, we will learn even more horrifying and saddening news.

lately i feel like i have been under a constant barrage of bad news that makes me sad and downright pissed the hell off, and a lot of times it is directed at the big man upstairs.

(yeah, you read that right.  i said it.  it is the truth and i'm guessing i'm probably not the only person who feels that way from time to time, but i'm probably one of the few who will say it out loud.)

shootings....terrorist threats....cyber bullying.....people burying their children due to illness, accidents, or suicides....nuclear concerns....yeah, i'm sad and i'm freaking angry.

for as long as i can remember, i wanted to have children.  i have a wonderful husband, a good marriage, and i would love for us to have two-legged kids of our own in the near future. 

i have to say though, with what i am seeing in the world these days, i sometimes question whether or not it is fair to bring a child into the shit-show we have going on these days.


it makes me question what i thought to be fundamental truths more frequently that i'd like.

see, i've always thought that the core of humanity is good.....

...i've just thought if we could focus on our similarities and respect each other's differences...

...if we manage our expectations of one another and of ourselves....

...if we could recognize that underneath the skin color and the gender and the sexual preferences, we truly are all the same...

...and if maybe, just maybe, we love with everything we have, the world will be a better place.

maybe i was wrong?

no.

i refuse to believe that.

i won't.

even in the midst of tragedy and even when i struggle to see it, i still say the core of humanity is good.

call it rose-colored glasses, but if you look for love and goodness you will find it.

in the next few days, the media will focus primarily on the horror of tragedy.  it should be given its proper due, absolutely.

then, after a few days pass, i will encourage you (and myself) to look for the good.

i know in my heart of hearts that we will see our fellow humans rise to the occasion.  we will do something, anything, to help our fellow men and women who have been affected by this truly maddening event.

as for me?  i'm going to turn my anger and sadness into action.

i'm going to pray.

i'm going to sign up for a race in the next 2-3 months, because i refuse to live my life in fear and to honor those who were participating or supporting a loved one today. 

i'm going to take care of my little tribe of people and fur-kids the best that i can.

i'll look for ways to help the victims of this tragedy and try to help them heal.

i will keep on loving, even when i don't think i can or when its hard, especially when its hard.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

hell no.

i'm a stubborn irish redhead.  quit is not in our vocabulary.

sending you all love and especially those affected by this tragedy.  my heart and prayers are in boston.

xoxox -

unexpected blessings

this was not the post i was originally going to write today.  i woke up this morning with a menagerie of thoughts running through my head:  comparison.  forgiveness of self and others.  fighting self-doubt and the "i'm-not-good-enough"s.  letting go.

image via & original source

then, i read this blog post, received a phone call from a friend, and it changed the trajectory of my thoughts.

i am surrounded by blessings.

a hot cup of coffee.  having a friend who confides in me.  the sliver of sunshine that fights to peek through heavy cloud cover.  a loving, supportive husband.  fluffy pink socks.  kisses from my dog.  sunflowers on the kitchen table.  a dad who makes me laugh and a mom who when she says, "its all going to be ok," i suddenly believe it.  the sound our wedding day wind chime outside.  blessings.

the difficult things?  they're blessings too.

making the choice to take a good hard look at myself, my thoughts, my feelings and deciding what stays and what goes, even when it is painful?  blessing.

my current physical and mental trials and tribulations?  for the first time in a long time, i know in my heart, that they will be a blessing.  (the fact that i can even view them in this light is true progress and in and of itself is a blessing.)

image via

we are all surrounded by blessings, if we just take a moment to open our eyes and hearts to them.

xoxox -

cleaning house + friday favorites

lately, i have been on some sort of wild cleaning, purging, and organizing binge.  this is not normal heather behavior.  usually it takes some sort of bribery from troy to get me motivated to get rid of stuff.  while i like a nice, clean organized home, i am so not-a-fan of the entire process.  it seems daunting and downright overwhelming.

after it is done, though, i feel so much better.  it is as if a huge weight has been lifted, i can breathe a little easier, and i'm downright giddy.

these days,  i'm addicted to both the process and to the lightness that comes after.

there has been a lot going on in my world lately and a barrage of different emotions have followed.  some are most likely caused by battling SAD and some i know to be caused by legitimate things that are going on in my life.  i've been overwhelmed.  there are decisions that i need to make and instead of jumping right in to figure it out, i've been paralyzed by them instead.  i've doubted myself and my abilities.   i've been over-analyzing every.damn.thing.

it is time to clean the house that is my mind.  it is time to purge negative thoughts and patterns of behavior.  it is time to get rid of stuff that isn't working for me:  impatience, anxiety, self-bashing.  it is time to realize that it is okay not to have all the answers and that if i need to sit with something for awhile, that's okay too.

i know that i will feel lighter and happier at the end.

so, advanced thanks to all my people for sticking with me and being patient with me.  spring cleaning has commenced and your shiny, sparkly heather is around the corner!

whew.  okay, enough deepness.  onto friday favorites!

*the arrival of march - thank goodness you are finally here!  i see the light at the end of the wintery tunnel and spring is a-comin'!  this month brings all sort of celebratory goodness, including the birthday of jordan, my godson, my birthday,  the birthdays of two great friends, amy and jenn, my nephew, hayden, my sister-in-law, jenn, and my parents anniversary.  time to locate my party shoes!

* opi's pedal faster suzi nail polish - last week, i chose this color for my manicure.  i loved it so much, i hunted it down on amazon and order a bottle for myself!  it is the perfect subtle pink for spring.

:

image via

* a clean and organized drawer  - come on, you knew this one was coming!

* stumbling upon this devotion via "the pink growl" - "do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward."  - hebrews 10:35 

"have you been praying and believing for something that has been taking longer than you thought?  many times, people can miss God's best simply because they give up before they see their answer come.  don't let that be you!  be encouraged today, your answer is closer than you think.  if it seems like things are getting more difficult, remember when intensity heats up, that means you are closer to victory.  it always seems darkest just before the dawn appears."  - joel and victoria osteen

* signs of spring  - while walking bogue, even though i was all bundled up, it made me smile to see fresh blades of grass and daffodils beginning to sprout.  reminds me that spring is around the corner, thank goodness.

image via

 i hope that you all have a wonderful weekend!  if you need me, i'll probably be cleaning out a closet and butchering lyrics on the "today's hits" channel of pandora.

xoxox -

on going unplugged

my husband religiously reads a blog called zen habits.  every so often, he'll pass along a post that he finds particularly inspirational.

last week, he passed along this post where the author deleted his facebook account.  not deactivated it.  deleted in.  g-o-n-e.

it sparked an interesting discussion among a few of us about social media and its impact on our lives.  my husband resided firmly in the camp of being leery of social media.  sure, he's got a facebook account, but you will very rarely find him posting anything.  while the man never meets a stranger, knows just about everyone in this town, and is quite the extrovert, he is extremely private when it comes to what is and is not shared about his life on social media. i seriously looked for the four horsemen when he posted a status update last summer because that never.ever.happens.

another one of our great friends, who is an avid facebook user, didn't really see what the fuss was about.  he saw facebook as a great tool for keeping in touch with friends and family, sharing photos, and that it didn't really cause him a great amount of stress in his life.

as i read each of their responses, i started thinking about how i felt on the subject.

i believe i fall somewhere in the middle.

unlike my husband, and like my friend, i am an avid facebook user and am dangerously close to being addicted to twitter.  at any given time, you'll know where i'm eating dinner, what quote is speaking to me that day, or see pictures of my adorable brown dog.

who can resist that face?  you know, minus the mud and all.

in addition, facbook has allowed me to reconnect with old friends and connect in a new way with some of my younger family members (love you, cousins)!  i am also part of several private groups on facebook, which allows us to quickly and privately share information, inspiration, and meeting notifications without blasting them to our entire friend list.  i've also found social events, such as a local yogafest, that i would've never known about without facebook.  also, facebook is the main source of traffic for this little blog.

however, i've had my share of pain, for lack of a better word with facebook, as well.  during election season, i have to walk away from facebook on the regular due to political rants that make me angry or frustrated to the point that i want to stab myself in the eye.  truth be told, i have facebook friends that use facebook year-round to share their political or social views, which is fine.  on occasion, i've done the same thing, but 99.9% of the time, i use facebook to share how much i love burritos, how gobsmacked i am at who "the bachelor" eliminated this week, and that my friends rule.

while i don't get caught up in the likes or the comments on facebook, i have to say i do fall victim to that at times with my blog, which i put my heart and soul into every time i post.

in addition, i have unintentionally hurt different friends' feelings by something i did or did not post on facebook. 

no bueno.  when i look at those elements, it makes me wonder if the cons outweigh the pros and sometimes, they do.

i find it interesting that in this world where we are (in theory) more connected than ever by technology, i often feel disconnected and lacking meaningful interactions with my loved ones.  i can't tell you the last time that i've been to a social event where someone (including myself) wasn't emailing or texting or facebooking or tweeting something.

i've been kicking around the word "intention" a lot recently.  what is the intention behind my blog?  what is the intention of my interactions with my family and friends?  i'm still figuring it all out (as i truly believe myself to be an ever-evolving creature), but i think my intention currently is to have meaningful connections with myself and those i hold close to my heart...to really be present and not distracted by a bunch of technological noise. 

for me to accomplish this, i truly believe that unplugging from the distractions of things like texts and facebook, on occasion, is crucial.  easier said than done, for sure.  i've started small though. 

it is a rare occasion that you will find me checking my phone during a lunch or dinner with a friend.  (taking a picture to demonstrate what a fabulous time we are having with a possible facebook post, maybe, but absolutely no texting.)  i try to keep it firmly stowed away in my purse.  just ask my husband.  while enjoying dinner with a group of girlfriends last week, he didn't know whether or not i had fed bogue.  since my phone was in my purse, i didn't see his text, and he had to resort to calling my girlfriend's husband to run downstairs and ask me.  i see these ladies once a month and i wanted to be engaged with them, not preoccupied with texts or facebook "likes" and i would be if my phone was within arm's reach. 

i admit that i do struggle with this more at home, where my ipad, computer, and iphone are within arm's reach.  so, that is the next hurdle for me to overcome.  maybe putting them in a different room is a good place to start.

well, maybe not the phone.  you know, in case of emergency and all.  :)

do you ever go unplugged?  

linking up with:  random wednesdays

xoxox -

soup recipe + SAD + moments

if you are friends with me on facebook, you already know that i've had a serious bone to pick with mother nature.  it has been so gray and rainy for days on end that i am about to snap.

this is typical of nc weather in february and about this time every year, i start to withdraw.  i don't want to talk.  i don't want to socialize.  i can't get motivated to do, well, much of anything.  seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is a real thing folks.  i can testify to that.

it is frustrating, depressing, cyclical, and well, sad. 

apparently mother nature decided that i needed a ray of hope and she provided absolutely beautiful, sunny, 60-degree day yesterday.  hallelujah!

i made brunch for husband and then we headed out with bogue, the fearless brown dog, for a nice, *long* walk around downtown apex.

strange how a little bit of sunshine can completely change my mood.  it reminded me that this too, just like so many other things, shall pass.

rainy, wintery weather?  it is just a moment.  warm, sunny weather will return.  even though it too, is just a moment, but the good moments help when the bad moments pop up from time to time.

that beautiful day yesterday?  it too, was just a moment, as mother nature so rudely reminded me when i woke up to a gray sky and 30 degree temperatures and rain in the forecast tomorrow.

sigh.

oh well, at least i have this soup to keep me warm.

this is a bowl of pure deliciousness.  like most of my preferred weekday meals, it is super easy.  as my "real life" friends know, i am super skeptical of the 30-minute meal tag, because i don't know what clock these people use, but most of the "30-minute meals" i've tried take me an hour.

i had this from start to table in 30 minutes.  booyah.

garlicky tortellini, spinach, and tomato soup
slightly adapted from fine cooking

ingredients:

*  2 tablespoons butter

*  3 - 4 tablespoons bottled, minced garlic

*  1 9oz. package of frozen cheese tortellini

*  1 5oz. package of baby spinach

*  1 32oz. carton of low sodium chicken broth or vegetable broth

*  1 15oz. can of diced tomatoes, italian style

*  8 to 10 leaves of fresh basil or 2 - 3 teaspoons of dried basil (i used dried, because it is what i had on hand)

instructions:

1.  heat butter in a large dutch oven or saucepan over medium heat.  add garlic and saute until fragrant, about 2 minutes, being careful not to burn it.

2.  add broth to pan and bring to a boil.

3.  once the broth is boiling, add the tortellini.  cook for approximately 5 minutes, or 1/2 of the cooking time as described on the package.

4.  add the tomatoes, including their liquid, and let the soup continue to simmer for 5 minutes.

5.  add spinach and basil, stirring just until the spinach is wilted.

6.  top with parmesean and/or mozzarella cheese.  we used both, naturally.

enjoy!

xoxox -

favorite

fa·vor·ite:  [fey-ver-it, feyv-rit]

~NOUN:  A PERSON OR THING REGARDED WITH SPECIAL FAVOR OR PREFERENCE~

i spent last week in beautiful jackson hole, wyoming for our annual ski trip.  i have had the good fortune of being able to travel to many ski destinations on the west coast and i have to say, unequivocally, that jackson hole blew me away.  the love affair began as the plane descended over the grand teton mountain range.  i was breathless.  the mountains are unlike anything i have ever seen.  simply put, they are stunning and will reinforce a belief in a higher power.

for me personally, when it is time for vacation to come to an end,  i'm usually more than ready to come home.  i miss my house, my friends, and my sweet brown dog.  this time was no exception.

however, it always seems that re-entry back into work is painful and again, this time was no exception.  it has been a l-o-n-g week.

so, friday, thank you for arriving (even if it did take you f-o-r-e-v-e-r)!

besides friday, here's what i'm loving this week!

*reusable straws - unless it is coffee or wine, i prefer to sip my trusty spa water through a straw.  what i don't love?  those plastic one-use wonders.  i've used them before (quite frequently), but the environment-loving girl in my heart felt guilty.  enter reusable straws.  my mama santa put some in my stocking this year and they are awesome! sipping my spa water and iced green tea guilt-free over here these days.  i'm thinking of maybe picking up some beachy colors for the spring and summer!

santa left me this festive holiday pack, but you can find similar ones here.

 *alone time - maybe this is an only-child thing, but i need my alone time.  if i don't have it, i am one cranky girl and will take it by force, if necessary.  i need my space to journal, read a book, meditate, practice yoga, run, whatever.  i actually had a nice alone day in jackson hole, where i got to read a book, take myself out to lunch, and get a manicure.  it was fantastically lovely.  speaking of books....

*the host by stephanie meyers - when my friend, stefanie, suggested this book i was a tad skeptical.  unlike 99% of the female population, i did not get into the whole twilight series.  i read the first one and it was good, but not good enough to prompt me to read the next three books, nor see any of the movies.  plus, i'm not a big sci-fi fan.  however, stef assured me that i would love it and since she had indulged me and read gone girl, i decided to go for it.  so, so glad i did.  this book was awesome.  it took me awhile to get into it, but about a third of the way in, i was hooked and completely invested in the characters.  i even yelled at her for not warning me it was 620 pages because i wanted to know what the freak happened already!  (see - i'm warning you. it is 620 pages, but it is an easy read and well worth it.)  it made me question so many things about humanity....how we treat each other...is our nature inheirent....heck, would we be a kinder and gentler race/planet if someone/thing else took over?  go check out the host.  it is especially perfect if you are jaunting off somewhere that necessiatates a lengthy plane ride.  (did i mention it is 620 pages long?)

*my new "orioles" necklace from swell caroline - my husband is from maryland and is a huge orioles fan.  h-u-g-e.  huge as in one day i came home from god-knows-where and he announces that he has switched us from our local cable provider to directtv, because directtv is the only provider that carries the masa channel.  for those of you uninitiated, masa is the only channel that carries the orioles baseball games all season long.  (i will spare you the whole diatribe that ensued about the owner and his wicked ways that cause this to be the case.  you're welcome.)  i am all about sporting my teams colors and considering that i am now an adopted orioles fan, i knew i needed to get some gear.  however, their colors are black and orange.  black, i have plenty of but orange, eh, no.  seeing as how i am a redhead, the closest to orange that this girl is going to get is an accessory.  enter swell caroline.  i absolutely love how it turned out and of course, i opted for a monogrammed charm.  this should not surprise anyone who knows me irl.  what was even better is that this little pretty arrived on valentine's day and since husband and i were apart (as he was travelling for business) this cheered me right on up! we will be heading down to sarsota in march to check out the orioles at their spring training camp and visit friends and some of my family. i can't wait to debut this at the game(s)!

go orioles! 

*today's semi spring-like temperature - this warm-weather gal is completely and totally over winter.  my heart skipped a beat when i saw it was going to be sunny and 64 degrees today!  i can't wait to take bogue for a walk this afternoon before it, apparently snows tomorrow??  ugh.  what the heck mother nature?!?!  oh well, i guess i'll take what i can get!  (really though, mother nature, if you want to go ahead and move on into spring, i'm completely okay with that.  just sayin'.)

happy friday, friends!  have a lovely (snowy?!?!?!? gah!!!!) weekend!

xoxox -